On July 12, 2041, in Kennington Massachusettes, Abigail Renwright, 32, and her companion King, 5, were married in a
private ceremony. As the first lawful interspecies marriage in America, this ceremony sparked a bitter, decade long battle over the rights of animals to marry. This moral struggle was finally resolved in 2053 with the passage of the federal mamalian marriage laws. These statutes allowed marriage between any two species of mamals, but strictly forbade marriage, cohabitation or sexual relations between humans and fish, insects, reptiles and amphibians. Ironically, the Renwright/King marriage ended in divorce in 2043 when Abigail learned King had been neutered by his prior owner.THE CANADIAN INCURSION ('SYRUP WAR') OF 2038
In the late 2030's tension built between Canada and the United States over the importation of low cost Canadian maple syrup into the Amereican market. The poweful American syrup cartel, under the ruthless direction of the Church of Latter Day Saints, used its political muscle to strongarm congress into passing the SAPS (”save american pure syrup”) ACT in 2036. This piece of draconian legislation imposed a 1000% tariff on Canadian syrup and crippled the country's syrup industry, throwing tens of thousands of Candians out of work.
In early 2037 when America callously turned back penniless, ragtag Canadian refugees at the border, riots broke out in Toronto, Ottawa, and Montreal. The Conservative government fell on February 25, 2037. Snap elections were called and the anti-American SOS (”save our syrup”) party captured a slim majority in the new parliment.
Meanwhile, the American government failed to appreciate how sticky the situation had become; the corrupt Jenna Bush administration partied through the spreading crisis. Perhaps distracted by the intense holographic log rolling championships that spring and summer, most Americans also failed to appreciate the danger.
On July 3, 2037, the Candadians struck. The main thrust of the Canadian army pushed deep into Vermont syrup county. Other units of crack Canadian troops ravaged the syrup factories in Maine, New Hamphsire and, in a daring amphibious assault, Florida. In less than a week, America's strategic syrup reserves were decimated.
By July 9 an obviously hung-over Jenna Bush ordered an American response. Unfortunately, the pentagon was confused and, believing the attack had come from the south, ordered a nuclear attack on Tijuana. The disaster was averted at the last instant when a Canadian-American air traffic controller realized the mistake. The federal government was so shaken by the error, however, that it immediately sued for peace. Triumphant, the Canadians withdrew. They have monopolized the world maple syrup markets ever since. In 2074 a petition by a desperate Vermont to join Canada was denied.
In early 2037 when America callously turned back penniless, ragtag Canadian refugees at the border, riots broke out in Toronto, Ottawa, and Montreal. The Conservative government fell on February 25, 2037. Snap elections were called and the anti-American SOS (”save our syrup”) party captured a slim majority in the new parliment.
Meanwhile, the American government failed to appreciate how sticky the situation had become; the corrupt Jenna Bush administration partied through the spreading crisis. Perhaps distracted by the intense holographic log rolling championships that spring and summer, most Americans also failed to appreciate the danger.
On July 3, 2037, the Candadians struck. The main thrust of the Canadian army pushed deep into Vermont syrup county. Other units of crack Canadian troops ravaged the syrup factories in Maine, New Hamphsire and, in a daring amphibious assault, Florida. In less than a week, America's strategic syrup reserves were decimated.By July 9 an obviously hung-over Jenna Bush ordered an American response. Unfortunately, the pentagon was confused and, believing the attack had come from the south, ordered a nuclear attack on Tijuana. The disaster was averted at the last instant when a Canadian-American air traffic controller realized the mistake. The federal government was so shaken by the error, however, that it immediately sued for peace. Triumphant, the Canadians withdrew. They have monopolized the world maple syrup markets ever since. In 2074 a petition by a desperate Vermont to join Canada was denied.
November of 2007 President Hillary Clinton issued a pardon to everyone who had been arrested during and after the Halloween Massacre. 
A handful of right wing extremists, however, had evaded capture and fled the country rather than accept the pardon. One of these, Ann Coulter, an emaciated blonde who delighted in skewering liberals as cowards and traitors, ended up in Belize. From the tiny Central American country she helped operate "Radio Free America", a shortwave radio station whose commentators urged an armed rebellion in America and called for the assassination of Hillary and Bill Clinton. On April 16, 2008, Coulter was captured by U.S. Navy Seals in a daring midnight raid on the isolated headquarters of Radio Free America. Along with three other expatriot Americans, Coulter was tried for treason. The jury returned a guilty verdict on the lesser charge of sedition on June 25th, 2009. She was sentenced to serve five years. Released after serving eighteen months, Coulter spent the next four years in a government re-education, multicultural village. After her release she opened a small button shop, selling small buttons, in Malibu, California. She died at 82.
Coulter is now best remembered for her famous line during her trial: "I regret I have but one mouth to give to my country!"
A handful of right wing extremists, however, had evaded capture and fled the country rather than accept the pardon. One of these, Ann Coulter, an emaciated blonde who delighted in skewering liberals as cowards and traitors, ended up in Belize. From the tiny Central American country she helped operate "Radio Free America", a shortwave radio station whose commentators urged an armed rebellion in America and called for the assassination of Hillary and Bill Clinton. On April 16, 2008, Coulter was captured by U.S. Navy Seals in a daring midnight raid on the isolated headquarters of Radio Free America. Along with three other expatriot Americans, Coulter was tried for treason. The jury returned a guilty verdict on the lesser charge of sedition on June 25th, 2009. She was sentenced to serve five years. Released after serving eighteen months, Coulter spent the next four years in a government re-education, multicultural village. After her release she opened a small button shop, selling small buttons, in Malibu, California. She died at 82.Coulter is now best remembered for her famous line during her trial: "I regret I have but one mouth to give to my country!"
About FUTURE HISTORY NOW
Taken from the writings of the renowned 22nd century historian Cliff Michaels, V, Future History Now offers a a brief social and political history of the last eight decades of the American Hegemony. Acting dean of students at the famed Genesis Academy of Mars, Michaels is an alumnus of Princeton and Harvard. Coauthor of A NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE, a primer on those first two politically turbulent decades of the 21st century, Michaels writes with precision and authority. It should be noted that because of the Schlaimann-Heisenberg Temporal Probability Flux some events may change from time to time in our narrative.
This site is still officially "beta"; the anticipated completion date is now July 20, 2005. Please address comments to CLIFF MICHAELS .
This site is still officially "beta"; the anticipated completion date is now July 20, 2005. Please address comments to CLIFF MICHAELS .
posted by cliff michaels at 7:16 PM
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